you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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