So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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