Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
