you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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