He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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