I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
