I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
