watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
