You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
