Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
