I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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