yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
