Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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