Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
