my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
