Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
