you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
