Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
