well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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