nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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