Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
