Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
