Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
