And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
