best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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