??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
