i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
