you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
