Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
