had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
