Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
