She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize