no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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