The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
