No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
