i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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