i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
