I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
