I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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