if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
