smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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