Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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