Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
pray to the hookup gods
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
