i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
