I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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