Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
