Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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