I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
