I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
