I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
