Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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