he told me I talked like a deaf person
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize