I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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