Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
