Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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