i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
