I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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