**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
