He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
