Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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