I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
