This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
