she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
even my farts smell like vagina
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize