I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
