So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
