Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize