I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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