C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
