Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
