is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
handjob tips. give me some.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
