There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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