none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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