It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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