There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
